New Perspectives on Weight: Confessions from the Curvy Woman
Another 0.2lbs shed and feeling good. I showed my before picture to a friend and pulled up my shirt and she said, “have you seen the difference?!?” Going through this process and talking about it openly has really begun to shift my perspective on weight and appearance. Now, for the most part, I do not think about what other people think about me. If you do not like how I dress, or who I am, that is on you. I do not allow others’ opinions of who I am or what I stand for shape my life. It is very important that I love who I am and honor who I am.
However, there is one exception: weight. I know that I am not always happy with the weight I have put on when I look at myself in the mirror or see myself in a picture. When I go shopping for clothes I pick what makes me look slimmer and don not dare wear something that makes me look heavier. But why? I am not looking at myself beyond a couple of times a day in the mirror. If I do not care what others think of me, then why am I dressing for them? And we all do this! WHY?
When I walk down the street or am in a crowd, I am not thinking, “oh, that person is so heavy,” or “she/he should suck it in a little bit.” But I think that when I see a picture of me or put on a top that makes me look heavier. There is some part of me that is thinking that all of the thinner people in the world are judging me for not being as thin as they are. Yet, I do not think that about someone that is heavier than I am. Sadly, this is self-judgment that we all participate in, heavy, curvy, thin, trim. Society/advertising has trained us to dislike ourselves so that we will buy things that will make us happy. But, it does not work. I may enjoy eating that ice cream bar in the moment and then spend an entire day loathing myself for having caved. Then I get the pass to the gym and spend the whole time worried that everyone is watching my flabby thighs bouncing up and down on the elliptical. Then I get a slice of pizza because I earned it and also because I saw an ad for it on the TV at the gym and I “wanted” that.
I confess all of these things, because it is a reality for most of us in some way. How many times have I heard from friends or acquaintances, “ick, don’t use that picture of me, I look fat!” Very important: if you want support/sympathy, do not say it if the person next to you weighs more than you. We hate that! The point is, who are we fooling and why are we trying to fool them? I know I am curvy and that sometimes my belly really sticks out. Just because I put on a black shirt or pair of pants that are slimming does not mean that I no longer have that appearance.
For the first time ever, I feel like my head is a little clearer about who I am and what I look like. In my next post, I will share with you my weight loss goals and why they are goals. They might surprise you. At the end of my transformation, I will share my before and after pictures with you.
In the meantime, post your confessions below. It feels great to finally get it off my shoulders…and thighs…and hips…